your royal flyness, I dig your bangs

My Momma has cut my family’s hair since way before she ever had all the degrees, licenses, awards, and certifications.

Momma cutting Bing's (age 3) bangs with the kitchen scissors...

Confession Time:  There are days that I only bother to wash and style my own nappy hair just because I know that I’m going to see my Momma…  if it looks bad, I know I’m going to get “the look” and “the speech”.  She will reach out, pat my ‘fro disapprovingly, give a dramatic eyeroll, and launch into a tirade that I could repeat word for word backwards.

Lately, she’s been begging me to let her “shape up” Ro’s wispy little baby mullet.  I’ve stubbornly refused to let her touch his precious locks for months, but something came over me yesterday and I finally relented.

A lump rose in my throat, but instead of letting myself sob with each snip, I did what I usually do and let my camera take over.

He was SO well-behaved.  I grew up watching my mom work her ninja magic on thrashing, wiggling, screaming, biting little children.  She’s never cut a child, no matter how horribly they behaved in her chair, although she often came home from work with her own fingers and knuckles bandaged.   So, I was pretty relieved that my own little monkey was not causing her any trouble.

He sat perfectly still, watching my brother Brad (or “Uncle Blue” to Rowan) entertain him with funny faces and peekaboo games.  The only time he moved was at the end to look at himself in the mirror, as his Mamie as she spiked his hair with gel.

Let’s just hope that RoBot isn’t a man-diva like his Uncle Blue (whose hair always has to be PERFECT or his life is OVER), or a dirty-smelly-hippie like me, but somewhere in between…

his nerdy-preppy-still-looks-like-a-little-boy-when-he-lets-his bangs-grow Daddy?

Off to hide my ‘fro in a hat,

Bing

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“Bing, your great grandma would not even check the mail or take out the trash without lipstick and earrings on.  So in honor of her, you have to at least ACT like a girl a few days a year.”

~Bing’s Momma

build me up buttercup

It’s no secret that I love to create.  I’m a recovering workaholic from a job that I adore, but if a day goes by that I do not get to bring my daydreams to life… I go to bed feeling a bit lost.

That said, I am not crafty in the least.  My Momma and my two best friends are bossy perfectionists, incredible, and

creative in crafty ways that even the most addicted pintrest followers can only dream of.

So with their inspiration and encouragement, I decided to put my limited attention span to the test and make Rowan a very special birthday gift.

Materials:

unfinished wooden blocks, mod podge (I prefered the non-glossy), acrylic paints, small paint brushes, scrapbook paper, sandpaper and scissors

Step One:

Paint  blocks, allow to dry overnight

Step Two:

Sneak scissors away from home, because Doc has banished me from anything remotely sharp, including butter knives.

Step Three:

Sit at desk at studio when not teaching and try not to be distracted by shiny objects whilst cutting block sized squares of letters and pictures from scrapbook paper.

Step Four:

Using paint brushes and mod podge (apply in thin coats), adhere scrapbook paper squares to blocks, allow to dry overnight

Step Five:

Apply mod poSQUIRREL!!!!

Step Six:

Search the studio office for granola bars and diet coke.  Find a long lost box of bandaids instead.  Attempt to reorganize the first aid drawer.  Look for labeling stickers on desk and…

Step Seven:

Apply a thin layer of mod podge to sides of blocks (over entire surface including the paper).  Allow to dry overnight.  Repeat twice.

Step Eight:

Have Assistant Ninja help to unglue fingers from the desk.

Step Nine:

Admire your work.  You frickin rock.

Rowan loves his blocks.  He slobbers on them, bangs them together, scatters them all over the house, lets out an evil laugh when I scream in pain after stepping on them with bare feet,

 and (his favorite) waits patiently for Doc and I to build elaborate block towers before obliterating them like a tiny baby Godzilla.

I enjoyed finding different patterns, colors, and pictures of vintage toys. I also hand wrote little notes to him on a few.

 

another view of the many different sides

 Off to dreamland,

Bing

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“Make Art, Not War… or Burnt Cookies”

~Bing

defend the silver lining

Gratitude List # 881,620,329:

Tonight I heard a sweet baby’s voice (his sibling was in my class) out in lobby while I was teaching.  My heart jumped to my throat and I ached to hold Rowan. When I got home tonight and he was already in bed.  As usual, I was totally crushed that I didn’t make it home in time to kiss his squishy cheeks and sing him our songs and watch him rub his eyes with tiny fists.  Tears were starting to form and I struggled to keep my composure as Doc gave me a sympathetic hug.

I’m not always an emotional wreck. Really.  In fact, just this weekend I was so much in need of personal space after having a clingy teething baby attached to my body all week…. that I actually hid from him in my bathroom and played solitare on my iPhone for 3 whole minutes.

So back to my little pity party…

I decided to add to my running gratitude list for the day instead of having a meltdown in the middle of my kitchen whilst still wearing my supremely uncomfortable tights and leotard.

As I changed into my jammies, it was running through my head like a mantra, like a prayer

“at least you aren’t working a double shift trying to support your family… you get to be with him all day… you could be in Iraq… you could have lost your arms in an attack by an evil bunny and be unable to hold him at all.. he could be 30 and married and living on the moon… you could be childless and still wishing….”

I hope I can remember my gratitude list when he wakes me up at 5am for a bottle.

Until then, I can close my own sleepy eyes, snuggle with my gorgeous husband, and hope to find my babydoll in our dreams tonight….

 

~Bing

 

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.”

~Kahlil Gibran

a dream that I could speak to

Where have I been?

I could answer with a million details of our beautiful blur of a life,

with hundreds of photographs yet to be shared on my long abandoned blog,

or with the plain and simple truth…

I’ve been present.

I’ve learned to embrace a part of me that isn’t artist, business owner, wife, friend.  I’ve found my “muchness” in mommyhood.

Being present can be a challenge for my ADD brain.  I’m always fourteen steps ahead of myself, manifesting chaos, chasing fireflies, off in “La La land“.

However, something quite stupendous happened once the post partum hormones receded, and the trauma of childbirth slowly began to heal…

I woke up one morning and realized that I no longer had to escape to my swirly-headed daydream land.

My daydream was in my arms, cuddled on my shoulder, breathing and cooing and drinking in the world with his eyes and

being.

I am singing a different winter song than I was two years ago today .  I am no longer in mourning and yearning and afraid to hope. 

December 2009

My blog will still be here.  I pinky swear to start sharing more, and more often.

  I just needed this year to heal my once broken heart, to realize that he is here to stay, that he is all ours, to become the person he needs for me to be.

To just be present.

moment captured by my dear friend and incredibly talented artist, Lowry Wilson http://oldsouthimages.com/

Off to dream wide awake,

Bing

a very very very fine house

My poor abandoned blog…

You’ve been replaced by

one adorable, drooling, crawling, babbling baby,

one hundred-eighty ballerinas,

and a one hundred-twenty year old house that took us all summer to decide to buy.

Here it is, our dream house!  Well, the outside of it anyway… the electrician made a mess on the inside, so I’ll have to take some photos later…

 

The back... Holy Sun Rooms Batman!

My Momma is pretty excited about the house too...

Well, off to feed my new pintrest addiction.  So many ideas, so little time…

(and I promise not to be gone too long this time…)

Bing

 

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“There is a magic in that little world, home; it is a mystic circle that surrounds comforts and virtues never known beyond its hallowed limits”

~Robert Southey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

drops of Jupiter in her hair

I’m a believer in karma.  In love.  In positive energy.  In the power of a smile.

I believe in leaving a situation better than you found it (or it found you).

I believe in surrounding yourself with joy.   Especially people who create it.

Like Emily… sweet, joyFULL, Emily.

She drinks every drop of happiness out of every moment of every day.  She smiles when she moves, she smiles when she listens, she smiles when she breathes.

Her joy is contagious, her sunshine fills and lingers in every space she’s ever occupied.

She dances in the rain.

I am grateful for her energy and the joy she brings to my life and to Rowan’s.

Undoubtably, we will be better people because we have known her.

Off to dreamland,

Bing

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.”

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Like a belly full of fun!

My friend Courtney has one of my top 6 dream jobs:  she runs the cutest buy/sell/trade small town bookstore here in Millington.

And I know you are wondering, the other 5 dream jobs are (in no particular order):

Summer Camp Director

National Geographic Photographer

Dance Teacher (lucky me)

Rock Climbing Instructor

Children’s Book Author

I digress.

Ro-Bot and I, along with my bestie Sarah and her daughter Megan (aka Rowan’s girlfriend), visited our lovely friend at her bookstore this morning for one of my most favorite activities both as a child and an adult… STORYTIME!

She read “The Grouchy Ladybug” by one of my most beloved children’s authors. Eric Carle.  Rowan was lucky and got the best seat in the house!

Some titles we picked up earlier in the week when we visited Applegarth Books:

The Sing-Sing Song of Flapper-Jacker-Whacker-O by John F. Smith (Ro LOVES the rhythm of the words and all of the persnickity sounding words!)

Where’s Spot? by Eric Hill (Peek-a-boo is his favorite game right now, so this book makes him giggle!)

Thank You, World by Alice B. McGinty (Gorgeous illustrations and a beautiful message about diversity, oneness, and gratitude… which of course are the primary concerns of a seven month old baby!)

and one of my favorites since my nanny-ing days in college:

Oliva by Ian Falconer

Afterwards, we took the kiddos on a lunch date.  Good food and stimulating conversation between the two babies (NO idea what they are saying but they chattered like two little parrots the whole time!).

Well, the lovely nanny/assistant ninja/my sanity, Emily, is here, so I’m ff to SCRUB my house from top to bottom because my best friend from high school will be here on Monday… AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

-Bing

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“Showering without socks on is SO last year.”

-Emily, age 14

you can’t have one without the other

It just occurred to me that I did not give birth to a baby boy,

but rather,

a tiny dude.

 

-Bing

 

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women:  a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. “

~Jerry Seinfeld

let the wild rumpus start!

As all expectant mommies do, I used to rub my belly and wonder which one of his daddy or I he’d be most like?

I wished for him to be mostly like daddy… prayed he’d get Doc’s math skills, love for learning, handsome dimples, and ability to sit still.

A tiny bit of me hoped he’d inherit my immense love for summer…  that he wouldn’t mind the heat or bugs and that he would make (and eat) mud soup and despise shoes.

Today he got his first taste of summer freedom… the big boy swing.

The sparkle in his eyes and joy bursting out of the tippy tips of his toes satisfied that tiny hope in my heart…

(and please oh please Lawd let this be the only way he’s like his crazy mama!).

 

 

Higher Daddy!

Check out the little toothies poking out of his bottom gums!

 

Although he isn't eating mudpies yet, he had found swing straps to be quite tasty!

Off to dreamland,

Bing

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“In summer, the song sings itself. “

~William Carlos Williams

d-a-dd-y, oh, how i love you Daddy O

We sat next to each other on a park bench.

I looked into his 15 year old face and asked

“Why?  Why are you giving up the rest of your childhood so that you can go to college early?  That is a big sacrifice just to finish school early…”

It would be a sacrifice for both of us… he would be leaving me behind for four long years until I finished high school.

He responded with quiet resolution, “I have a lot of schooling ahead of me if I want a really great job.  I want to retire early so that I can be home with my kids one day.  My dad wasn’t able to be home much, always working. I want a family and I want to enjoy them.”

And that is when I fell in love.

Thirteen years later, we sat in a hospital room, staring at our tiny miracle.  I looked into his 29 year old face and drank him in.

He looked up at me, only for a moment and said,

“Now I know why I was born.”

To the best daddy, from the LUCKIEST baby and mommy on the planet…

Happy Father’s Day.

Ninja Thought of the Day:

“Oooo Aga ahh goom goom  oooaaa mmmmmm”

(translation: ” My dad ROCKS!”  … or maybe he said he wants some Campbell’s soup?)

-Rowan Grey Osterman