Filed under: rambles
things on my mind at 1:32am on a typical night:
fairy wings that need making,
curriculum that needs adjusting,
and tap shoes that need ordering
man, I ate too much sushi at dinner…
but really is there any such thing as too much sushi?
I love the feeling of freshly washed sheets
and the sound of The Doc sighing in his sleep
will the chemo make my brother miserable?
will he be the same?
I can’t wait to give Brad and Momma the money the dance school has already collected…
I’ll go to them tomorrow
how on earth does laundry pile up so fast for just two people?
did I finish those strawberries I bought on Tuesday?
hmmm, if not I still have leftover sushi
… mmmm sushi
I am glad I have Aaron…
moments light, moments heavy…
I enjoy his perspective…
he is a weird kid like me
The Doc looks so young in his sleep
I wonder if our babies will sleep as soundly as he does
… I hope they get that from him
will our babies get the cancer gene from me?
is it worth it to have kids, knowing that they might get sick and die?
oh, mom… I hate this for you so much
are things real, only because we believe in them?
Photo taken at St. Joseph’s Hospital Prayer Chapel.
Off to dreamland (soon, I hope),
Bing
I have always believed that it is in the darkest hours of our lives, we are able to see the greatest light of humanity shine.
My BFF Angie, came up with the fantastic idea to help my brother and his medical expenses by incorporating my dance school family. She made a zillion phone calls and rallied the troops… and yesterday morning, “Coins for Cancer” was born. Several students and their families came to the school and decorated buckets, canisters, jugs, etc…. all so they can take them and collect coins for my brother.
It was so heartwarming, so precious… I am so full of gratitude I might burst!
Everyone decorated a huge poster for Brad’s room. It says “Kick Cancer’s Butt! We Love You Brad!” I can’t wait to hang it up in his room! I know it will make him smile.
Ava’s brothers helped out too!
Dearest Angie with her daughter Kennedy:
This little one’s mommy, Andrea, is my new hero. She donated a credit she had with one of the airlines… and helped bring my brother home!
Here is the card that went on each coin collector:
When I began my dance school, I never anticipated that I would gain a whole new family. These people have been witness to some of the greatest moments in my life…. and now, they are holding me up through one of the worst.
Off to share some sunshine!
Bing
Dearest blog readers,
I am sorry for my long absence. Many of you know what has been going on by now, and I am finally ready to jump back into my blog.
On Wednesday, January 7th, my mom called and told me that my baby brother, my only sibling, had been diagnosed with 3 brain tumors. One of the tumors was life-threatening, and he was being flown to Phoenix, AZ (about four hours from his home in Northern Arizona) for emergency brain surgery. He miraculously survived the surgery that removed the biggest tumor.
Life since then has been crazy, to say the least.
We were told about a week ago that the tumors were caused by a rare, rapidly growing cancer. He is now back in Mississippi (about 45 minutes from me) with my mom, and he will begin aggressive chemotherapy soon.
We are so grateful for the prayers and support from everyone. Our family has been loved beyond belief by friends and strangers alike. We are so grateful for each and every one of you.
Here are some photos I took right after Brad got out of his six hour brain surgery. It was the first time we’d seen him since August. I thought it would be hard to take these photos… but it was more therapeutic than anything. I was able to step outside of my body for a second and tried to tell Brad’s story. I hope we can show these to his future children so they can see how amazing he is!
(Note: you may need to click on some of the images to make them larger)
Off to dream… dream of him on the other side of this mess… dream of him able to live his life without the worry of this hideous disease.
Bing
Been exhausted lately…. sleeping lots and still not enough.
Mom was one of those who believed in white noise and music as natural sleep aids. We would listen to music… soft music… sometimes Enigma, sometimes James Taylor, sometimes The Eagles, sometimes Santana…
I also grew up sleeping in a 100 year old house that settled and moaned at night… and the sticky South Mississippi heat required a box fan to gently hum lukewarm air across my face as I drifted off.
Those things stay with you… my box fan addiction will probably affect my future children as well… they will sleep with the sounds that put me to sleep.
Thankfully, The Doc understands and humors my ugly loud fan friend. And buys me a new one when the used up ones finish their nights with me.
Okay, back to my original reason for posting:
Restlessness+Noise=Relief
What I am listening to before I head to bed tonight:
Ampersand and Astronaut by Amanda Palmer (go by her new album Who Killed Amanda Palmer, you won’t regret it)
Breathe In Breathe Out by Mat Kearney
The Trees Want You Back by Amy Seeley (while you are buying Amanda’s album, pick up Amy’s new one 8 belles too)
Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson
Beautiful by Me’Shell Ndegeocello
Happy listening and sweet dreams,
Bing
My brother from another mother, Ken, is always getting to the heart of the matter. Always reminding us about each other… to take care of each other.
He recently shared this article he found… I think it is well overdue!
I rarely get on soapboxes when it comes to other people’s behaviour. Consider this my New Year’s Resolution.
Ken baby, this one is for you.
Politeness? Human Decency? Respect for others?
Where is it?
We have all gone and gotten ourselves in a “big damn hurry” (quoting Shawshank Redemption).
We need to have time for each other.
Stop.
Listen.
Think outside yourself and your needs and realize how much space you take up in the world.
Stand up for someone in trouble. Bad things happen when you let them. And don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of you.
Shake someone’s hand, look them in the eye, say “nice to meet you”. And mean it.
Share your umbrella in the pouring rain.
Return your shopping carts to the designated areas.
Ask someone “how are you doing today” because you really want to know. Practice sincerity.
Smile at people. Make eye contact and smile… smiles are contagious.
Consider the fact that your waitress at a restaurant might have just lost her dog and is grieving. They work for nothing and they are not perfect. Tip, and tip well.
Help the mom with a screaming toddler in her arms load her groceries.
Turn off your cell phone at dinner and enjoy your time with your family.
Save the up-close parking spots for others. It won’t kill you to walk a few extra feet. Might even help you with that “lose weight” resolution, haha!
Remember that everyone else on the road has a destination that is just as important to them as yours is to you.
We do not live parallel lives. We affect each other in a very integrated, synergistic way.
So, pay it forward.
It will come back to you ten-fold.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
Bing
