Paige and Davis are two very lucky children.
They have a mom like I do.
She listens to them. Laughs with them.
She doesn’t try to tell them who they should be… she just loves who they are.
Best of all, she has a sense of humor about her kids.
All of which are necessary qualities to possess when you are the mom of two superheroes…
Off to dreamland,
Bing
Ninja Quote of the Week:
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”
Robin Williams
The MSoD parties are, quite simply, thebomb.com.
I love just letting loose and doing the chicken dance with all of my favorite little (and big) people. Last Friday, we celebrated the start of a new dance year with our annual Back 2 School Bash. This year we had a “luau” theme… complete with leis and non-alcoholic daquiries for everyone!
As always, there were lots of helping hands that made the party awesomely fantastic. The Ninja BFF, Angie, was there, not to mention the ever helpful Ziegler kids, my sweet Demi-Doodle, several parents who came with food (woot!) and my friend Cindy Kraft (visit her site here ) who helped take photos. (Cindy and I shared my camera all night, and I was super grateful for the shots she got while I was busy gettin’ my groove on!)
Turns out that Angie can do more than teach tumbling… she has some pretty groovy moves!
Of course, there is always that weird hippie who dances by herself in the corner all night… tee hee! (note to self, do not wear strapless dress and attempt the hokey pokey ever again)
what I saw most of the night… kiddos looking up at me, trying to get my attention (“Misss Biiiiiing… Miiiiissss Biiiiinnnnng!”) yet another reason NOT to go strapless… little kids will often resort to TUGGING when they really need to get through to you!
Off to find some sunshine on this rainy day!
Bing
Ninja Thought of the Day:
“The truest expression of a people is in its dance and music.”
Agnes de Mile
Warning.. a long and rambly blog ahead… come take the journey with me….
I’ve been writing a lot of my personal thoughts here lately. Not sure why I feel the need to, but it is very cathartic.
I’ve been going through a lot of changes lately. Been living very much inside my own head. Been trying to take stock of a life that is chaotic and happy and exhausting and scary and full of joy. Things are changing and I can feel myself growing. Both in my work and in my personal life (as if they were two seperate things, ha!)
A genius photographer friend of mine, Lowry (see his gorgeous work here), has been leading a group of photographers through some exercises that will hopefully help us to better our businesses. He asked a question about our self worth as photographers and what is it that we bring to the table. as artists and professionals in this field.. and it sent my mind reeling…
Okay, this was really really hard for me. Mostly because I am always so humbled by the happiness of my clients and the praise from my peers. It almost scares me… I’m afraid of being seen a certain way… of having an expectation hanging over my head to have to live up too. Maybe it’s because I am a major overachiever… I just get exhausted every time I raise the bar for myself. I keep thinking, “Bing, someday someone is going to find out that you are not so talented…” I have to pinch myself a lot of days to remind myself that this really is my life and work and that I am not an imposter, I am really doing this and making it work.
My husband calls it “Imposter Syndrome” …says it is a real thing… so I looked it up on wikipedia and he was right. (Yet another sign that I am crazy!)
I realize that I need to deal with this… I have been so tired lately and wanting to hang up my camera for a while, but if I can figure out a way for this to not be so emotionally exhausting, maybe I can continue to pursue it.
So, I’ll give this a shot…
My self worth… what I bring to the table…
I listen. Yes, I have a style, but it’s not about me. It’s about my subject. I listen and I listen and I listen and then I try to tell their story.
I understand. When someone is being photographed, they often feel vulnerable. They are trusting me with the insecurities they have about themselves. Photographing another person is a deeply intimate thing. There has to be a connection and a certain level of trust.
And more than anything, I understand that we all just want to be seen.
Be seen for who we truly are.
Be remembered for the good stuff.
That’s all I got for now… thanks Lowry!
(and of course, gotta leave a photo for those poor souls who actually read through the end of this rambly mess!)
Off to find the sunshine,
Bing
Ninja Thought of the Day:
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”
Lao Tzu
So apparently, there are members of the running cult have nothing better to do than dream up new ways to torture its’ members.
I am talking of course, about the very hilly Chick-fil-a 5k run.
I invited myself along with a group pf amazing ladies who actually run almost everyday of the week (and they call me the “crazy one”) to run that very 5k, my first ever, this morning.
(photo courtesy of Angie Hayes)
Since the dance school season started up again, I have not been too good at keeping up with my running schedule. In fact (confession time), this morning was the first time I have run anywhere in about two weeks.
It hurt.
Everything burned.
I considered faking an ankle injury.
I tried to hitch a ride on a baby stroller. (The woman pushing it must have gotten a burst of energy because she started running faster all of the sudden!)
In short, I am now completely aware of how out of shape I am.
Things I learned while participating in this masochistic event:
I am slow.
The faster cult members will run over the slower cult members.
There are actually some cult members that I am faster than and nevermind if they are over the age of 80 or under the age of 8. And apparently the only reason I was able to pass them is because my legs are so pasty white that I blinded everyone else around me. (Hey, I’ll take whatever competitive edge I can get!)
And perhaps most important, I learned that men who run should NEVER wear spandex pants without some sort of “support”. EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Things that encouraged me to run faster:
The positively horrific B.O. of the person running next to me.
The need to pee from all of the coffee I’d drank that morning.
The homeless guy who decided that I might be the perfect person to witness his morning bathroom break on the sidewalk.
And best of all,
Knowing that my BFF was waiting for me at the end.
(photo courtesy of Angie Hayes)
Off to rest my aching body..
bing
Ninja Tale of the Day:
Two ninjas were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the ninjas reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of tennis shoes.
The other ninja looked at him “Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?”
I don’t have to run faster than that tiger, the ninja replied. “I just have to run faster than you”.
She was a surprise, but a sweet one.
Her life will be just as precious as she is… full of love and sisters who will share everything from germs to advice on boys.
She has parents who adore her and a face that will break a million hearts one day.
Indeed, she is both blessed and a blessing.
Welcome to the world, Sunny Claire…
Also, I haven’t shared any music on here lately, so in honor of Baby Sunny, here are a few of my favorite lullabies (yes, I have an actual playlist on my ipod that is titled “sweet songs for someday”.. I am a hopeless case..):
Welcome to This World by Renee and Jeremy
Little Bright Star by Frances England
Never Alone by Jim Brickman
Happy Everafter in Your Eyes by Ben Harper
Miracle by Renee and Jeremy
Lullabye for a Stormy Night by Vienna Teng
and there are a few which I have made my own and might share some other time….
Off to spread some sunshine,
Bing
Ninja Thought of the Day:
“If you think being a ninja is tough, try being a mom!”
-anonymous
There are days in life when you can actually feel yourself becoming a different person.
Days when things that used to be important to you are not even on the radar anymore.
Days when your insecurities attack, chomping fear-sized holes into your psyche.
Days when you look in the mirror and wonder where you went.
Days when you know it is time to take a breath, a step back, and a long hard look at what really matters.
Tuesday, September 3rd was one of those days for me. It was the day I realized that I am a true work-a-holic.
Now, my momma always told me not to “air my dirty laundry” but I can’t help think that there must be a zillion other people out there who feel the way I am feeling now.
I am a passionate person. Every job I’ve ever had, I did it with all of the energy and enthusiasm of a high school cheerleader. (Even that dreadful first job at Kentucky Fried Chicken… yes, you read that right… only ONE of the many reasons I am a vegetarian today…). I’ve been a dry cleaner “clerk”, a coffee shop barrista, and a camp counselor, and a nanny… all of which I gave complete dedication too. I’ve loved my jobs fiercely, even when they did not love me back.
The ultimate goal has always been to do what I am doing now. I could not be happier as a dance teacher and photographer. I would do those things without pay for the rest of my life. I love my clients, I love creating, I love the children,
and most of all, I love it when I can make someone happy though what I do.
And therein lies my problem. I am obsessed with trying to make people happy. I make demands of perfection on my utterly imperfect self. I fear not being able to meet the expectations of others. And lately it seems that the harder I try, the worse I get at doing so. The pressure I put on my chaotic little ADD brain to be good at being me ends up having the opposite effect. Instead of being more efficient, I am a walking billboard for the Fail Blog.
So on Tuesday, thankfully, a revelation.
It’s okay.
The dance school is not going to fall apart if I am not there every single second that the doors are open.
I can slow down my photography bookings and I will not forget how to use the camera in the meantime.
My husband and the baby we’re hoping for and the dog… they need me. Not the always-exhausted-evil-grumpy-always-working-on-something-me. The relaxed-has-a-sense-of-humor-can-slow-down-long-enough-for-dinner-and-a-movie-me.
And with that revelation, comes the realization of the blessings.
I’ve been a horrid mess throughout all of this, and my friends, family, dog, and husband are still speaking to me.
And after the realization, comes the resolve.
I will not work 24/7.
I will not be too busy to run with Beau, check on my elderly neighbors, call my mom, or write my husband love notes.
I will take care of my body. This includes eating dinner, long showers, and resting when I am tired.
I will fold my laundry (instead of throwing it all into drawers) and wash my car (I’m not even sure what color it is anymore…).
I will take a vacation this year… a real one.
I will try to listen to my own advice.
Off to dreamland,
Bing
